As an alcoholic I’ve lived a very chaotic life. Between the ages of 15 and 22, I lived in chaos. Drinking, sleeping around, drugs. Emotionally I was trying to ignore my depression. Physically I was falling a part. But the only thing that seemed to keep me going, was drinking. At least it numbed the pain.
On November 8th, 2014, I was admitted to Chestnut Hill hospital with pancreatitis because I was literally drinking myself to death. My body was shutting down and I was dying.
Four nights in a hospital bed with my only nourishment being a tube of sugar water in my arm, gave time to think. Those 4 days were the most isolated and terrifying days of my life. They were also the days that I experienced more support and love than I ever have in my life. The shame of my actions flooded my mind. Years of suppressed emotions and actions were all colliding within me at once. But by my side were my parents, my best friends, my pastors, my parishioners, medical professionals, and God.
Somehow in the days in the hospital, being visited by my parents and my friends and my family, something got through to me. I needed to stop drinking.
I hope to share my stories of recovery in this space. I hope that my stories can help others and give them hope. I hope that my stories can be uplifting, and I also hope that they can convict.
As an alcoholic in recovery, I cannot escape my past. Instead, to truly be in recovery, I have to remember that part of my life and have hope for a better future. I have to remember the chaos that drove me to a life of drinking. I have to remember the chaos that I caused with my drinking. I have to remember the pain and hurt that I caused my family, my friends, my exes, my partners, my “enemies”, and those that I forgot even existed because all I could think about was myself. That is a life of recovery and in this journey, I have found a wonderful future that is filled with life.
In recovery, it is not enough to just stop drinking. You have to be active in your recovery and it is always something that you are working towards.
And so, this is my ministry. To live a life of recovery. To make amends for my wrongs. To share my story. To live into my death and and live into my resurrection in Christ.